Released on Friday, April 8th, 2011
Own Best Friend Today Lyrics (by Electric Sorcery)
Just believe in Own Best Friend and you can be your Own Best Friend. Now you need you Own Best Friend. You gotta own Best Friend today. With electric bone best friend, you can drive her home best friend. Make your lady moan best friend. For $69.95 you can own Best Friend today. Made from Space Age Ditittium Steel, Own Best Friend enhanced male robotic pleasure seeking cyber penis is the latest development in advanced erotic pleasure transference devices. Outside rock-hard, rotating, rigged, ribbed rogering rod provides maximum pleasure for your wife, mistress, girlfriend, sister, fuck friend, butt buddy, or insignificant other. While inside silk-lined, slippery, slithering, sliding, sideways, sleeze strokers keep you coming again and again. Own Best Friend doesn’t waste a drop of your enthusiasm. All male erotic pleasure byproduct substance is captured and stored in special cyber age polymer spunk reservoir where high powered atomic torprol pressure relief jets await your command to deliver that perfect “money shot” every time. Be confident, masculine and finally accepted. Believe in Own Best Friend. Doubles as a stylish cod piece. Own Best friend should not be used if you are pregnant of nursing. Consult a physician if chafing or bleeding occurs. I believe in Own Best friend. I can be my own best friend. Now I need my Own Best Friend. I’m gonna own Best Friend Today. Now I got my Own Best Friend. Now the fun will never end. So confident with Own Best Friend I’m gonna get me a date with that little hottie Mary Brown. Hi,uh, uh, Mary? Yeah, who are you? I’m, uh, Bobby. Okay? Would you uh, that is do you uh, can I take you uh, would you like to get some pizza with me? Hmm, you’re so nervous. You’re kind of cute though in a weird, creepy sort of way. Okay, pick me up at seven. I got no goddamn car. Oh great, I’ll meet you there then, house of pizza at seven, okay? uh huh, yeah, ok, uh, friend. Go? Now that I got Own Best friend. I’m so hot with Own Best Friend. Gonna get my own girlfriend. Oh she’s so hot, she’s so hot, she’s so hot, Mary Brown! I’m the man with Own Best Friend. Finally my sadness ends. I’m gon get myself some friends. Don’t fool yourself girl, yes I’m gonna jam this thing right up in your booty now. How’s yer pizza? Mm, good. Mines too… hot. uh huh? You know, there’s a shed out back. They call it the love shack. With a dirty mattress. Would you like to… take me there? UH HUH! To the dirty mattress? Oh, oh Bobby, ooh yeah, oh its so… hard. What the fuck? What the fuck is that? Some kind of strap on? What kind of girl do you think I am? Wait ‘til the kids at school hear about this! Oh no I’ve done it again. Now you’ll never have no friends. This is where the party ends. You blew your shot at this girlfriend with Own Best Friend today. Everybody now hear this. Little Bobby smells like piss, plus he don’t know how to kiss. So run home crying and change your little dirty pants while we point and smile and laugh. You got no friends, you got no friends, YOU GOT NO FRIENDS!!!
Own Best Friend Today directly from Electric Sorcery (via Bandcamp).