Who changes the diapers on the baby new year?
In only five days he ages one year,
Assuming three score years and ten,
That's what I've heard is the span of men.
There've been almost two thousand since Jesus died,
That's a hell of a lot of infanticide
But before then I'm sure it was worse
'Cause I bet that he aged in reverse.
I've got a lullaby for the Baby New Year
So he can get some sleep,
He's got so much that he has to do here,
Especially if he's leap.
A year is a difficult thing to be,
There's strife and stress and such,
And I don't want a lot, just the promise he
Will try not to suck so much.
Three weeks of filling your checks out wrong,
Of singing some dumb catchy Christmas song,
Of snow and cold and of feeling squirrelly,
Of swearing you'll do your taxes early.
Three months of waiting for winter's end.
Two months of hating the thaw again.
One month of wishing they'd fix the street.
Three months of bitching about the heat.
Here's a lullaby for the Baby New Year
As he lays there in bed,
I want him to know that there's nothing to fear
Except the months ahead.
People call him names and vent frustrations
And he's just passing time.
How can he live up to their expectations
When he's just past his prime?
Then the autumn comes and the winter's after.
He feels the chill in the children's laughter.
It's not that anyone wants him gone,
But Christmastime is a-comin' on.
After Halloween, there's the cold and snow,
And he's starting to feel so old and slow.
But there's one bright moment in the sun,
When we all give thanks for the good he's done.
Here's a lullaby for the Baby New Year,
The Older Year as well,
'Cause they bring us everything we hold dear,
As far as I can tell,
There's a lot of hope for the year ahead
And some stuff that just won't take,
But it's not the Baby New Year's fault
So give the kid a break.
He's only a Baby New Year --
Shhh. Soon enough, he'll wake.