OnlineLyrics Database

Browse Lyrics By Artist:
  1. #
  2. A
  3. B
  4. C
  5. D
  6. E
  7. F
  8. G
  9. H
  10. I
  11. J
  12. K
  13. L
  14. M
  15. N
  16. O
  17. P
  18. Q
  19. R
  20. S
  21. T
  22. U
  23. V
  24. W
  25. X
  26. Y
  27. Z

The Last Hero On Earth by Tom Smith

Released on Thursday, May 25th, 2006
More lyrics from The Last Hero On EarthWhat If, Mad Scientists United, The Sinister Cavortings of Sir Wilfred P. Huffelbaggins III, Warning: Wimbledon!, The Sinister Sixty Strike, You Never Call Me By My Real Name, Boulevard of Broken Genes, Tears of the Kill-O-Tron, Pirate Ninjas From Dino Island, The Terror of Sis Boom Ba, The Romance of George and Al, A Million Light Years From Love, Divided Royalties, Behold the Crossing Guard, When Strikes the Clock, Rules of Enragement, Hey! Didn't You Die?, The Rise and Fall of Sir Wilfred P. Huffelbaggins III, With Great Power Comes Great Power Bills,

Enter The Waffle Lyrics (by Tom Smith)

FENDERBENDER
What th-

AMAZING GRACIE
Robots!

DOCTOR ZEN
There must be fifty of them!

COMPTROLL
Omniscan confirms sixty!

MAXICRON
Hero League -- to the fray!

FENDERBENDER
That battle cry is so gay!

DOCTOR ZEN
Now, let's not offend --

MAXICRON
Don't look now, my friend, but they're trying to blow us away! Blue Streak! MacroMan! AirRaid! Watch it!

FENDERBENDER
Macro! Watch out --

MACROMAN
Wh- AAAAH!

[MACROMAN is hit by one of the robots and vanishes]

AMAZING GRACIE
Macroman! He's gone! Max, he's gone!

MAXICRON
Macro... later! Stay frosty, Leaguers! Don't let 'em touch you!

DOCTOR ZEN
Amazing Gracie! To your left!

AMAZING GRACIE
Doctor Zen!

DOCTOR ZEN [discorporates, recorporates]
That was close!

DARK SUN
Fenderbender! incoming! three o'clock!

FENDERBENDER
Whoa! Thanks, Dark Sun!

DARK SUN
No prob- [zapped, gone]

FENDERBENDER
Dark Sun! Crap!

DOCTOR ZEN
Maxicron! Something is fouling up my mystic senses!

AMAZING GRACIE
It's those electrodes! That's what's doing it!

MAXICRON
Shield Maiden! Envelop as many of those as you can!

SHIELD MAIDEN
As you say, Maxicron! HI-YO-TO-HO! HI-YO-TO-HO! HI-YO-TO-H- [zapped, gone]

MAXICRON
Dammit, we're getting taken apart here -- WHA!

AMAZING GRACIE
Oh no you don't!

MAXICRON
Thanks, Gracie!

AMAZING GRACIE
Thank me later!

FENDERBENDER
Ha! I have more trouble opening a bag of chips -- AHN -- [zapped, gone]

AMAZING GRACIE
Fenderbender! AAH!

MAXICRON
Get -- AWAY -- from her!

AMAZING GRACIE
Thanks, Max!

FAFNYR
Stupid robots make Fafnyr's friends go 'way! Fafnyr ticked! [starts to transform into a dragon] AND THE TICKED-ER FAFNYR GETS -- ARRH! [zapped, gone]

AIRRAID
Maxicron, a little help? We're gettin' overwhelmed here!

MAXICRON
Multiplex! Six-A Defensive!

MULTIPLEX [splitting himself off into six]
Got it, boss!

[a robot grabs one of him, and they are all zapped, gone]

MAXICRON
Comptroll! Logic beam, stat!

COMPTROLL
On it! Logic beam engaged in three... two... warning! warning! Circuits disrupted -- [zapped, gone]

DOCTOR ZEN
Mystic forces guide my hand! Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! -- AAH -- [zapped, gone]

AMAZING GRACIE
Max, it's just us! We're all that's left!

MAXICRON
Then let's make 'em earn it, kitten.

AMAZING GRACIE
Oh yeah.

Maxicron! Behind you!

[they fight valiantly, but are quickly overwhelmed]

MAXICRON
Gracie!

AMAZING GRACIE
Max!

[zapped, gone]

SIR WILFRED
Dr. Mallevo.

DR. MALLEVO
Yes, Sir Wilfred?

SIR WILFRED
I believe Professor Carstairs mentioned something about... an ultimatum?

[both chuckle menacingly]
Enter The Waffle

NEWSCASTER
Our top story: All sixty members of the famed Hero League have vanished, apparently into a trap sprung by their enemies. Police say the League was lured to Wimbledon by a fake charity event. Details are sketchy. Wimbledon officials were unavailable for comment....

ROBBER #1
Ladies and gents of First National Bank,
Since all of the heroes are gone, we
will pause here a moment to graciously thank
You all in advance for your money.

All right, in the bag! C'mon!

ROBBER #2 [menacing guard]
I wouldn't touch that alarm if I were you...

WAFFLE (GEORGE)
Well, you're not me, so what are you going to do?

ROBBERS
Whoa!
What the...?

WAFFLE
There's still one hero left in this town,
Now put your hands up and put the guns down.

ROBBER #2
Wh- which first?

ROBBER #1
Shoot him, moron!

ROBBER #2
But he said --

ROBBER #1
Forget that!
Where'd he go?

WAFFLE
Over here!
Thought we'd have a nice chat.

ROBBER #2
I ain't talkin' to you!

WAFFLE
If you put down the gun,
Then I promise I won't make you
Eat it for fun.

ROBBER #1
Heck with this!

ROBBER #2
Run!

WAFFLE
Time for the Syrup Gun!

ROBBERS
... SYRUP Gun!?

[*splortch*]

Ewww! Yech! Gross!
And it's one of those cheap brands, too!

WAFFLE
Mrs. Butterworth is a harsh mistress. Officer!

ROBBER #2
That was my best shirt!

ROBBER #1
I want my lawyer, and a gallon of dishwashing liquid....

POLICEMAN
Thank you very kindly, Mr....

WAFFLE
Waffle.

BYSTANDERS
Waffle?
Waffle?
What the heck kinda hero name is that?

WAFFLE
Well, I couldn't be "The Pancake",
'Cause that would have been too silly,
And "The Breakfast Biscuit" doesn't match my hat.

POLICEMAN
And so what is your power, Mister
Waffle?

BYSTANDERS
Waffle?
Waffle!

WAFFLE
I confuse and then abuse their minds, so frail.

BYSTANDER
Mental waves of indecision?

WAFFLE
Nah, snappy patter and derision,
I just baffle 'em, then WAFFLE! They're in jail.

POLICEMEAN
So let me get this straight -- you're a comedic superhero?

WAFFLE
Well, I try to be a stand-up kinda guy.

BYSTANDER
How do you intimidate the ones not baffled or in fear?

WAFFLE
-- Oh,
I've been meaning to try out my battle cry!
Ahem: It's Batterin' Time!

[crickets]

C'mon, work with me here. *sigh*

Still, not too shabby for a guy with a Super Soaker filled with pancake syrup.

I did it. I DID IT!
I did it, did it, did it!
I went out there and really stopped a crime!
They didn't perforate my torso, I was scared but they were more so,
And I know that I'll do better the second time.


Buy track Enter The Waffle directly from Tom Smith (via Bandcamp).