Released on Thursday, May 25th, 2006
More lyrics from
The Last Hero On Earth –What If
, Mad Scientists United
, The Sinister Cavortings of Sir Wilfred P. Huffelbaggins III
, Warning: Wimbledon!
, The Sinister Sixty Strike
, You Never Call Me By My Real Name
, Boulevard of Broken Genes
, Tears of the Kill-O-Tron
, Pirate Ninjas From Dino Island
, The Terror of Sis Boom Ba
, The Romance of George and Al
, A Million Light Years From Love
, Divided Royalties
, Behold the Crossing Guard
, When Strikes the Clock
, Rules of Enragement
, Hey! Didn't You Die?
, The Rise and Fall of Sir Wilfred P. Huffelbaggins III
, With Great Power Comes Great Power Bills
Enter The Waffle Lyrics (by Tom Smith)
There must be fifty of them!
Omniscan confirms sixty!
Hero League -- to the fray!
That battle cry is so gay!
Now, let's not offend --
Don't look now, my friend, but they're trying to blow us away! Blue Streak! MacroMan! AirRaid! Watch it!
Macro! Watch out --
[MACROMAN is hit by one of the robots and vanishes]
Macroman! He's gone! Max, he's gone!
Macro... later! Stay frosty, Leaguers! Don't let 'em touch you!
Amazing Gracie! To your left!
DOCTOR ZEN [discorporates, recorporates]
That was close!
Fenderbender! incoming! three o'clock!
Whoa! Thanks, Dark Sun!
No prob- [zapped, gone]
Dark Sun! Crap!
Maxicron! Something is fouling up my mystic senses!
It's those electrodes! That's what's doing it!
Shield Maiden! Envelop as many of those as you can!
As you say, Maxicron! HI-YO-TO-HO! HI-YO-TO-HO! HI-YO-TO-H- [zapped, gone]
Dammit, we're getting taken apart here -- WHA!
Oh no you don't!
Thank me later!
Ha! I have more trouble opening a bag of chips -- AHN -- [zapped, gone]
Get -- AWAY -- from her!
Stupid robots make Fafnyr's friends go 'way! Fafnyr ticked! [starts to transform into a dragon] AND THE TICKED-ER FAFNYR GETS -- ARRH! [zapped, gone]
Maxicron, a little help? We're gettin' overwhelmed here!
Multiplex! Six-A Defensive!
MULTIPLEX [splitting himself off into six]
Got it, boss!
[a robot grabs one of him, and they are all zapped, gone]
Comptroll! Logic beam, stat!
On it! Logic beam engaged in three... two... warning! warning! Circuits disrupted -- [zapped, gone]
Mystic forces guide my hand! Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! -- AAH -- [zapped, gone]
Max, it's just us! We're all that's left!
Then let's make 'em earn it, kitten.
Maxicron! Behind you!
[they fight valiantly, but are quickly overwhelmed]
Yes, Sir Wilfred?
I believe Professor Carstairs mentioned something about... an ultimatum?
[both chuckle menacingly]
Enter The Waffle
Our top story: All sixty members of the famed Hero League have vanished, apparently into a trap sprung by their enemies. Police say the League was lured to Wimbledon by a fake charity event. Details are sketchy. Wimbledon officials were unavailable for comment....
Ladies and gents of First National Bank,
Since all of the heroes are gone, we
will pause here a moment to graciously thank
You all in advance for your money.
All right, in the bag! C'mon!
ROBBER #2 [menacing guard]
I wouldn't touch that alarm if I were you...
Well, you're not me, so what are you going to do?
There's still one hero left in this town,
Now put your hands up and put the guns down.
Wh- which first?
Shoot him, moron!
But he said --
Where'd he go?
Thought we'd have a nice chat.
I ain't talkin' to you!
If you put down the gun,
Then I promise I won't make you
Eat it for fun.
Heck with this!
Time for the Syrup Gun!
... SYRUP Gun!?
Ewww! Yech! Gross!
And it's one of those cheap brands, too!
Mrs. Butterworth is a harsh mistress. Officer!
That was my best shirt!
I want my lawyer, and a gallon of dishwashing liquid....
Thank you very kindly, Mr....
What the heck kinda hero name is that?
Well, I couldn't be "The Pancake",
'Cause that would have been too silly,
And "The Breakfast Biscuit" doesn't match my hat.
And so what is your power, Mister
I confuse and then abuse their minds, so frail.
Mental waves of indecision?
Nah, snappy patter and derision,
I just baffle 'em, then WAFFLE! They're in jail.
So let me get this straight -- you're a comedic superhero?
Well, I try to be a stand-up kinda guy.
How do you intimidate the ones not baffled or in fear?
I've been meaning to try out my battle cry!
Ahem: It's Batterin' Time!
C'mon, work with me here. *sigh*
Still, not too shabby for a guy with a Super Soaker filled with pancake syrup.
I did it. I DID IT!
I did it, did it, did it!
I went out there and really stopped a crime!
They didn't perforate my torso, I was scared but they were more so,
And I know that I'll do better the second time.
Enter The Waffle directly from Tom Smith (via Bandcamp).