I'm the hero's sidekick and I've got a lot to say
None of it's intelligent, I just get in the way
But I'll do one useful thing to help him save the day
I'm the hero's sidekick, and I'm... o... kay.
When the hero needs me, I will be right by his side
Unless of course I've wet myself before I run and hide
Still, I'll prob'ly help him out just when it seems he's died
I'm the hero's sidekick, and I've got... my... pride.
He would have a girlfriend if he noticed her,
But they do this stupid little dance,
She'll end up with me, of that I'm pretty sure
If he weren't so obsessed I'd had no chance.
When the villain has us where he wants us in the end,
I'll do something stupid against which he must defend,
Leaving him wide open for a shot from my best friend,
I'm the hero's sidekick, or so I... pre... tend.
Maybe then I'll get a scene where I don't die alone,
Or perhaps I'll live, and we'll both see how much we've grown
All I've done since Volume One is argue, piss and moan,
Won't someone give me a franchise of... my... own?
I'm the real hero, I'm the one folks want to see,
Second fiddle or banana ain't my destiny,
What's that, then? that means the villain's coming after ME?
I'm the hero's sidekick, and that's all... I... need... to... be.