I hate the world today,
'Cause it's jealous of me, I guess that's okay,
But if you make fun of me because my mother is my father underneath,
I'll bust out your teeth.
Yesterday I cried,
For the eighty-seventh time, ol' Kenny died.
How he keeps on coming back's a mystery, better him than me,
As l long as I get what I want, then everything is fine --
Son of a bitch, I am Cartman, and I am a work of art,
Give me Cheezy Poofs galore, I am BEEFCAKE, hear me roar!
I'm a child of the Nineties, I'll kick your little hinies,
And I wouldn't want it any other way.
So take me as I am,
Hunting with Jimbo, who's got guns from Vietnam,
Having parties with stuffed animals for tea, meeting Kathie Lee,
The Jesus-Satan pay-per-view, best two falls out of three --
Son of a bitch, I am Cartman, and you don't want me to fart,
'Cause the Aliens disrobed me, strapped me down and probed me,
Keep your dog far away, he's homosexual and gay,
And I don't like how he's looking right at me.
Son of a bitch, where's my cheese, no, I've never seen my knees,
But I know that I am buff -- BEEFCAAAAAKE!
I'm a man, I'm a myth, I'm a short fat Doctor Smith,
You know you wouldn't want it any other way.